Thursday, December 28, 2006
srsly, losing all that text at once was super horrible, cause i'd put so much into it.
so anyway, this is just for me, redeemtion if you will,
i'll just start from what i remember,
on the 25th of this year i had the most horrible christmas to date. i just went out with my mother's friends who have a daughter, a year less than i who -through the heavy misunderstanding and assumtions that adults have or make about children- my parents believed, was intrested in fashion design, which as it transpired she wasn't, big surprise. and as usual, my parents were working through out the afternoon, which i don't complain about, i just wish mummy didn't look so tired all the time.my god the way she snaps at you, it's hard not to bitch back.
anyway i'm happy i got at least two things done today,got my books for school and to start on this thing due in january, i might as well have started now cause if i leave it to january, knowing myself, i wouldn't get around it anyway.
i felt rather disappointed about christmas mainly because of the anticipation that i had built up myself way before the day has even arrived.the garish orchard decorations actually did it's job this year on me, especially that gorgeous paragon tree, guess it was just all that gold and ugly pigeons. i was actually looking forward to christmas, that homely buzz you just get at the thought. however, the best decorations, i think, every year, are the ones at queensways shopping center, they always stay the same, every year, i realised that they're actually there all year round, its a matter of if they light them up or not. the decorations there just give you the sense of christmas, because they light up every year, just before that season, without fail. and i guess that its just the tradition that gets me, it's just so nice to know that somethings stay the same, you just expect it, and it doesn't disappoint. because that little piece of history brings you back, while everything around it just changes in a whirl wind of colour. it's just these little things that make up the feeling, these things that we will cherish until its gone, these things we hope will stay forever, even though we know that one day things will change, and how do we know? because it always does; always.
in movies, there have always been that one special line that make or break the movie, in books, that line that makes everything else disappear as you sink into that moment that you just understand, that you just feel so nice being either understood because it has happened to you or pretending to fit into another's skin, and the pleasure of just not being yourself for that one second when you share that charcters fears;joys;pains;love.
for me i've never really understood the line, it comes when you least expect it, the neighbour that invites you over every christmas for milk and cookies, the classmate you shared a class with for years but never really talked to, the person you trust most in the world, the cat you love most in the world, something happens to these people, or they do something that you would have never thought possible, the neighbour turning out to be a serial rapist, the classmate a suicidal, the biggest liar, the most pain you feel. see all these things we think we can imagine, from how they describe it in books, we might be able to imagine just a tiny fraction of it, but when it comes down to it, when it actually happens. it hurts soo much, you were never truely prepared, and thus i have only truely learnt themeaning of it comes when you least expect it recently. when kibbles passed, when my classmate passed. to those who are lucky enough not to have personally known anyone who has died other then a distant relative that they never really knew anyway, cheeros! something so close to you, something you loved so much, just snatched away from you, now that, sucks.
personally, the shock that i wasn't immortal was huge for me, i mean, i could drop dead right now, is that scary? or anyone for that matter could be taken away. but enough of this talk for me, i wrote this all once and now i'm just repeating myself cause i accidently erased it on blogger.
so anyway, a merry christmas, i'm sure next year will be far better.
i'm growing up alittle more every year (:
jade;d @ 1:18 AM
