Thursday, July 06, 2006
hello everyone, im on hiatus.
like yea.
its cause, ive been rather, not myself lately, like for 2 weeks.
i have no idea why but at the moment im struggling with myself.
so im going on hiatus to figure it out and correct it, cause its been pissing me off that my mouth is getting horribly rude. and everytime i let something lash out i immediatly want to say sorry because i really didn't mean it. i've become tactless.
so a little bit of breathing space would be fantastic.
an overview of how horrible i've been:
in POA class i started laughing hysterically and almost said fuck off to the teacher, thankfully im not so totally far gone.
i've been perminantly, angry. even when im happy i've got this anger inside which is ready to lash out.
i've been doing alot of bitching in my school.
i've been constantly just angry. and that makes me sad.
even now im ready to lash out.
im just, i dont know. i think something is wrong with my chakra, as maxine said.
im just not.
im just not jade.
im just not me.
and the moment i thought of going on hiatus it was like i stepped through a veil, seperating me from everything else and i felt instantly abit better knowing that im not gonna get contact with people so i have time to think.
as usual, me being jade, im gonna HAVE to break some rules. im still gonna talk, but only to my most precious. and probably only when i want to.
i can feel myself getting pissed off again for no reason. someething is really FUCKING wrong with me and its irritating the fucking shit out of me.
i just need to breathe.
i broke my nail today. fuck you.
sigh, i feel FUCKED.
like really, just, its a fucky feeling.
anyway.
today my classmates were going around pincing people's back fat, or whatever.
my group of friend started doing it, and they found out only people who are fat hurt when they pinch, like the skinny ones when we pinch their back skin it doesnt hurt.
and i hurt.
and when i found out i hurt, it hurt so bad inside. cause no other girl did except for those who were really you know, over.
the guys, esp loga rubbed it in my face, omg only fat people hurt! everyone was pinching and laughing cause they were skinny and it didnt. hurt.
bigsigh.
bigbigsigh.
i need to heal.
im going on herbalife again. i must go down to 50kg.
oh yea, when my male french classmate asked me how much i weigh, and i told him. first thing he exclaimed "omg youre DAMN heavy for a girl!"
haha, thanks.
ha ha.
ha.
h...
bye
jade;d @ 4:23 PM